Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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