I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
