Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
