He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
