im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
