I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
