Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
