do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
