She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
