I wish I could teleport
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
These tits shall not be calmed
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