Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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