I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
