You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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