direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
