The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
