Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
