I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
