I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
