Sponge bath it is.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
