the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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