Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
