So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
