I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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