i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
