tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
