This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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