they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
