I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
