i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
