So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
