You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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