sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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