i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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