I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
