Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
