when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
