the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
