I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
