the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
