I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
