have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
