when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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