I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He passed out mid-signature
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
