I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
