i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i would punch a child for taco bell
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize