i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Panties = found
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
