I'm eating all of the evidence.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
