my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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