Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
