sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
