you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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